YUKS & CHUCKLES -- "Save me, oh God, from people who have no sense of humor." -- Ludlow Porch
  
Dyslexics UNTIE! stickersDave Barry on the IRS
Dyslexics UNTIE! and other stickers & stuff !

Military Jokes & Humor
See what happens if you don't put a U after a Q, Iraq?
New 8-footer from BIG ASS FANS !
Political Stuff
Either your're part of the solution 
or you're part of the government.

On Politicians

Deficit Farming

Not Raising Hogs

The Capitol Steps

National Lawn Care Now!

Guaranteed annual watermelon

Non Sequitur
boingboing

FREE MARKET 
DUCK !

F. R. Duplantier's "Politickles"

The SacredBull Basic English and 
Math Test for American Politicians

Federal Employees' Self-Esteem Class

Monument of the Unknown Govt. Employee 

Oh, yeah?  Well  !!

The Dead Documents Sketch

Rather Blames Rove in Rocket-Skate Mishap


Little Tony was sitting on a park bench munching
on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candy 
bar, a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
 It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 
years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy 
bars at a time?"
Little Tony answered, "No, he minded his own 
f**king business."
--  GUNS AND DOPE PARTY POSITION PAPER #23

Stupid Statistics

 Reform Silly Party

Guns and Dope Party

Juntas for Dummies

A Dangerous Precedent

Microsoft Strikes Back!!

How Decisions Are Made

click on the bios on this page

The Center for No Alternatives

BNN, The Bogus News Network

Political & Opinionated Cartoons

"Everybody wants the government 
to do something until it does it to them."

Now, a message from your friendly IRS agent...

"...an enormous non-march on Washington... "

"If it's guns that cause crime, then it must be spoons that cause 
Rosie to be fat and stupid."

"People that are really weird 
can get into sensitive positions 
and have a tremendous impact 
on history." -- Dan Quayle
Associated Press dispatch 
from Nov. 16, 1988: "At a 
business breakfast Tuesday, 
Kerry responded to a question
about the vice president-elect's 
qualifications by saying: 'The 
Secret Service is under orders
that if Bush is shot, to shoot 
Quayle,'' The Boston Herald 
reported."  -- repeated here.
Stupid?  Don't Vote !

As Mark Twain said...
"Nothing so needs reforming
as other people's habits."



P. C. (Political Correctness) Stuff --& how 
to tweak the noses of the T.P. (Thought Police)

"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else."

 GUIDE TO BEING Politically Correct

Die, Eco-Weenies !

FAQs at Libertasia

 PETA


Religion Stuff

juicer!

The Honest Horoscope


& other Bumperstickers from 
Poor Richard's Print Shoppe

Exactly WHY you should question altruism


When asked why he doesn’t 
believe in astrology the logician 
Raymond Smullyan responds, 
"I'm a Gemini, and Geminis 
never believe in astrology.”
"Vegetarians eat life forms that can neither run nor hide." -- Anon.
.

TALKING CATS

Dave Barry

The Darwin Awards

SNL Celebrity Jeopardy

Check your cow yourself

Crazy Things Kids Write

Humor & Satire Books

Hate Mail Generator for Neal Boortz

Explanation of "Lost Presence of Mind"

Crazed Squirrel Assaults Man on Motorcycle

The Salma Hayek vs. Friedrich Hayek Scorecard

Some of the Best ACTUAL News Headlines from 1999
Find:   FRUIT FLIES READ PORNO, DROP DEAD
U.S. SENATE CHANGES NAME TO YANKEE 
HOUSE OF LORDS, U.S. TREASURY ISSUES 
NEW SCRATCH ‘N SNIFF CURRENCY, etc. HERE
A Naval Communications Transcript

An FBI Communications Transcript

Julia's Jokes Blog and Archive

How Google REALLY Works

Operation Vowel Drop

Weird News Rimshots

Great Wild Boobies

Nice-Tits Dot Org!

Spaceballs Sounds

Song Parodies

Casey Stengel

Yogi Berra

Greg Hahn

Al Gore

Coalition to Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide Homepage

A.I.R.: Annals of Improbable Research

Table and Charts and Stuff

New element discovered

Science Made Stupid

The Danger of Bread



"The Washington Post says that torture is illegal and immoral.  Alexander Woollcott says that anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.  Now, if we can just figure out a way to make torture fattening, torture will be a good thing." -- John Alejandro King
"Not only is extremism in the defense of liberty no vice, under certain circumstances it may be tax deductible!" -- J.A.King, CIA agent
"I dislike platitudes, and most other species of Australian wildlife." -- John Alejandro King
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like your thumb." -- Mr. Lizard
2 postings in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Vent 12-7-2004:
"My boyfriend gave me a mood ring. When I'm in a good mood, it makes a green color. When I'm in a bad mood, it makes a red mark on his forehead." and  "The best thing about dating a homeless person is that at the end of the date, you can drop them off anywhere."
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was probably a yo-yo." -- Ron Leming

''Halloween 8 came out. I thought it was the best Halloween ever.  It made Halloween 7 look like Halloween 5!'' -- Andy Breckman, here
"Time and time again, gazing into the innocent, trusting photoelectric receptors of a tiny, newly developed cybernetic construct, I am reminded of a fundamental truth: I believe the robots are our future, and we must teach them well and let them lead the way."
-- Helen Virginia Leidermeye, the Onion, June 10, 1999

"Incidentally, it's our understanding that the word robot is considered offensive. The politically correct term is Electronic-American."
 -- James Taranto, Opinion Journal, Friday, March 21, 2003

"Like Theodore Roosevelt, I oppose 'hyphenated Americanism.'  Which I guess makes me an anti-hyphenated-Americanism-American." -- John Alejandro King



A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.  Suddenly one shreiks frantically to the other, "I've lost my electron!" The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes! I'm positive!"
Either you're part of the solution, or you're part of the precipitate.
"Nature abhors a moron." -- H. L. Mencken
 “Life is tough.  It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.” – John Wayne
"Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?" -- Vic Irish
"If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?" -- Chef Keith
"If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?" -- Robert Anton Wilson
"Indeed, would he even become occident-prone?" -- Rick Gaber
"Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions." -- Henry Camp
"I know statistically if you don't get married, you're less likely to get divorced." -- Craig Ferguson
"If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either." -- James Taranto
"Having children is like getting a bowling alley installed in your brain." -- Martin Mull
"... lawyers, which is to say, ... men specifically educated to discover legal excuses for dishonest, dishonorable and anti-social acts." -- H. L. Mencken, Prejudices: A Selection,  pp. 180-82
"An economist is someone who wonders if something that works in practice will work in theory." -- Muir Redwoods
(from "a revised Constitution for our times"): "Section 2: The House of Representatives shall be composed of persons who own at least two dark suits and have not been indicted recently." – Dave Barry
"The hardest job in Washington these days is commissioner of senatorial parking. He's got to allot space for 99 cars and a broomstick" -- Michael Barone, editor of U.S News after Hillary was elected to the Senate
"Roadkill: It's not just for dinner anymore. Throw in some wood chips, chicken waste and dirt, and automobile-crushed critters can be composted into fertilizer or topsoil. It is about to be done in West Virginia's Eastern Panhandle." -- Department of the Army's Pest Management Bulletin, March 1996 

From the Department of Redundancy Department: "Non-essential Federal employees"

"As a result of the huge snowstorm, a bulletin was put out in Washington for all non-essential Federal employees to stay home. (Pause) If they're non-essential, what the hell are they doing there in the first place??!!" -- Jay Leno on The Tonight Show January 25, 2000

"I've set my own rules to live by.  The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' " -- George Carlin

"It's too bad that the only people who know how to run the country are too busy driving cabs and cutting hair." -- George Burns

“Hyper-hyperbole. It’s massive!”-- article title in the UK newspaper The Observer, Feb. 27, 2000, criticizing news media which use exaggeration and even hysteria. “It’s apocalypse now as world boils over.”-- headline in the same newspaper, same day. -- from THIS source


Themes in Contemporary Analytic Philosophy as Reflected in the Work of Monty Python

The Wondrous Dream

3 Blondes


Susan B. Anthony, 
Reaching for sanctity, 
Pleaded for women to 
Be more than cooks. 

Anthropomorphically 
Half the electorate 
Votes for a candidate
By how he looks.


"The female figure is the greatest known evidence that there might be a God...but the female psyche is an indication that this God has a very sick sense of humor." -- John Ziegler
"If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?" -- Vic Irish

How do you tell the difference between liberals, conservatives, and southerners?


Groucho

  "We began in 1994 by bringing health security to every American.  Our universal health care program brought equity and access to all.  While the overall program is a little more expensive than the $2 trillion dollars we estimated, I [am] pleased to announce that costs are dropping somewhat this year, due to a drastic increase in the number of people who died while waiting to see a doctor. Nevertheless, we brought you health security [*Congress applauds*]." -- from the chapter "Every American's Right" in Michael Graham's book, Clinton and Me
"Trent Lott achieved the anatomical triumph of shoving his foot in his mouth while his head was already in an unlit nether region. ... But if you tell me that the concept of federalism is racist, I will say you're too dumb to be a spell-checker at an M&M factory." -- Jonah Goldberg
"According to one study, as far back as 1969, black males who grew up in homes where there were magazines, books and library cards had incomes identical to whites from similar homes and education. The obvious conclusion is whites discriminate against blacks from homes without magazines, books and library cards. How they do it is a mystery to me. I haven't seen any white people--at least not that many--peeking into the windows of black houses to see who had books, magazines and library cards."  -- Walter Williams in MORE LIBERTY MEANS LESS GOVERNMENT 
"When questioning people who live in caves, government officials have to go pretty far just to deprive them of the comforts of home." -- Ann Coulter, HERE
"A moral compass needle needs a butt end.  Whatever direction France is pointing -- toward collaboration with Nazis, accommodation with communists, existentialism, Jerry Lewis, or UN resolution veto -- we can go the other way with a quiet conscience." -- P.J. O'Rourke
UP, API and Rioters reported today that the French government announced it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The raise was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed one of France's white flag factories, thus disabling their military. 
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -- Donald Rumsfeld and Jed Babbin
"I'd rather have a German division in front of me than a French division behind me." -- Gen. George S. Patton
"But I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, Than have to have a frontal lobotomy." -- Randy Hanzlick, M.D.

"I can already see it coming: First they'll start letting people clone their family pets, then some owners will be unhappy with the results, and the next thing you know, we'll have a bunch of copycat killings." -- Ron Leming
"I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part."-- Eric "Otter" Stratton (Tim Matheson), "Animal House," 1978
"Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door." -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
"Did you ever notice a lot of the people who are against guns are people who oughta be shot?" -- Tim Wilson
"Study: Consumer-Confidence Data Useless"-- headline, Associated Press, Feb. 20, 2005
"Consumer Confidence Slips in February"-- headline, Associated Press, Feb. 22, 2005 
Chicagoan:  "Does dis bus go to da Loop?"
Driver:  "No, it goes 'beep, beep'."
Chicagoan:  "Crosstown buses run all night?"
Driver:  "Doo dah,  doo dah..."
An Arkansas State Trooper pulls over a pickup on I-30
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

Don't pass any more laws, for crying out loud!. If you have to keep civil servants, cops or other cerebrally- challenged, legality-aware, morality-ignorant order-followers busy, just give them THIS or better yet, THIS, and leave the rest of us the hell alone. Thank you. ("There oughta be a law"-- the cry of the short-sighted, feeble-minded consequence-ignorer.)
As Civil Servants Say, "Illiterate? Write for help!
              Blind? Read This! "
Honk if you love peace & quiet!


   A panda walks into a café.  He orders a sandwich, eats it, then pulls out a gun and blasts two shots into the ceiling.
   “Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda strolls toward the exit.  The panda whips out a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
   “I’m a panda,” he says, at the door.  “Look it up.”
    The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation... More...
IF ANY OF THESE PAGES MAKE YOU LAUGH,  DON'T  TELL THEIR WEBMASTERS;
. . . (IT ONLY ENCOURAGES THEM) . . . .

 

A host is a host from coast to coast
But no one will talk to a host that's close
Unless the host that isn't close
Is busy, hung, or dead.

COMPUTER TALE

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
 Quickly turn the sucker off and be sure to tell your Mom!
 
 
Eye halve a spelling chequer 
It came with my pea sea 
It plainly marques four my revue 
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. 

Eye strike a key and type a word 
And weight four it two say 
Weather eye am wrong oar write 
It shows me strait a weigh. 

As soon as a mist ache is maid 
It nose bee fore two long 
And eye can put the error rite 
Its rare lea ever wrong. 

Eye have run this poem threw it 
I am shore your pleased two no 
Its letter perfect awl the weigh 
My chequer tolled me sew.

The Philosophers' Drinking Song
(from Monty Python's Flying Circus
-- Composer: Eric Idle,  Author: Eric Idle 


Immanuel Kant was a real pissant 
Who was very rarely stable. 

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar 
Who could think you under the table. 

David Hume could out-consume 
Schopenhauer and Hegel, 

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel. 

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya 
'Bout the raising of the wrist. 
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed. 

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, 
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill. 

Plato, they say, could stick it away-- 
Half a crate of whiskey every day. 

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle. 
Hobbes was fond of his dram, 

And René Descartes was a drunken fart. 
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed, 
A lovely little thinker, 
But a bugger when he's pissed.

------

(And none have anything on Ayn Rand)


"Do not anthropomorphize computers.  They hate that." -- Junior
"I'm just looking for a place to crash." -- Robby Knieval
Cars vs. Computers
The ORIGINAL Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products
 Favorite motto of old tool and die makers and machinists:
Illegitimi non tatum carborundum!*
*Don't let the bastards grind you down.


 


 A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

 

Obnoxious Disclaimer of somebodies' else




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

  Check out the surprising results of some eye-opening book polls HERE.




























































































































































































































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